getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
