Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
