remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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