On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We just shotgunned beers for America
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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