My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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