apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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