you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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