margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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