My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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