I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just found a bag of teeth...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
did you just send me my own nude
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize