I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
