I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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