I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
