I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize