So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
