he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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