your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
