He disabled his match.com account in front of me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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