And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
