It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
