he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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