bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
