come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
