I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just had sex on a roof
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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