When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
