yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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