Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
