Why are handjobs necessary in class?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i've created a new STD.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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