There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Go christen that room with your naked body.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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