textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
