Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
