The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
