saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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