Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i out mim tonsoeep
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