Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
