Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
