1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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