It was confusing and full of hummus
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
