Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
