i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize