i need an iv and a liver transplant
there was a trapeze. enough said
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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