I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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