hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize