I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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