I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
