brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
