can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
