You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
