Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
