I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
