birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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