I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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