I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
bring money and cleavage
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
