His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
