Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
