Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
