Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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