google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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