First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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