dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
