just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
