the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
