Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
