I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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