Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
