When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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