it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
