We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
