you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
