she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
