he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
