Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I am spending my child support on dildos
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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