Will you blow on my dice?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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