I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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