My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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