Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
