So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
