I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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