He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
