i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
