I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
