Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
