I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize