Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Come on in and take your pants off
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