He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
