"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
