she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
