dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
