i think my mom watched the whole time
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
