you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
