i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
