Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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