Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
