So drunk its hurt
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize