Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
