Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i out mim tonsoeep
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