Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Farmville is her only friend.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
