I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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