i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
