My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
