come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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