Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
