My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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