oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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