chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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