i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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