I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
