Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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