Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
