Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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