What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
