I accidentally burped into my bong.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Randomize
